I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
