all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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