wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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