operation harelip BJ is a go
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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