Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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