They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
