I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
