Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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