My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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