Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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