I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
