I murdered the dance floor call the cops
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
