I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize