you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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