you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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