I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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