just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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