I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
