You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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