You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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