Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
