walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
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