At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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