I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
