So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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