i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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