Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
