his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
