Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
