I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
