we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
