I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
