oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
