booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
