In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
