You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we're making bets on your personal life
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
