i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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