It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
