remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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