very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she looked like the before picture.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
