walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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