What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
