Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
