Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
