Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize