i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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