i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
