i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
