and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
