You're completely useless in the revolution.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
