I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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