omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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