He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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