May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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