Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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