You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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