i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just want nice things and good sex
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
