I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize