just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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