I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
