How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
